When it comes to REJECTION as a man of GOD, it has always been in me to help someone in a time of need weather big or small, if I can help than I’m all in period. So I guess my fear stems from hearing the word, “NO” because I’m so used to saying, “YES” even when I’m in need myself. That’s CRAZY RIGHT? NOW FAILURE is a different story; who wants to FAIL AT ANYTHING IN LIFE? IN FACT, WHAT REAL MAN WANTS TO FAIL?
My biggest fear is failing at my marriage because I’ve already failed at many things. This is something that I hold very sacred to my heart. Marriage is something that I value 100% but my HONEST GREATEST FEAR is being HURT by the woman that I love; my WIFE. Or even being in a marriage that’s not committed or valued by both parties, this to me is the type of failure that I’m so afraid of to the deepest extent. My fear and insecurities come from my past actions that I’m not proud of, my past relationships that I can’t seem to either LET GO OF, or forgive myself for. I’m honestly not sure which one it is, but I’ve realized that this is something that I have to let go of or, this will ultimately ruin everything that I value and believe in as a man of GOD. Now as far as me being hurt; I’ve hurt people in many ways in my past; mentally, physically, and emotionally.
I’ve also been EXTREMELY HURT to the depths of my soul; this particular pain caused me to believe that because of the pain that I’ve cause in the past this is MALICIOUS KARMA being thrown back at me in the worst way possible. That pain was nothing other than THE DEATH OF MY 18YR OLD SON BEING MURDERED MARCH 9, 2016; one week before I was released from prison after spending 13yrs locked up. Losing a child is very painful; no parent should ever have to bury their child. This should be the other way around in my opinion; so when it comes to HURT AND PAIN, I’ve felt all types of it which is why I’m so afraid of being hurt again. I fear this could result in possibly not caring anymore; being numb to the pain because the loss of my son was absolutely devastating! These are my fears inside; I know they can be controlled through FAITH, PRAYER, and LOVE! WHAT’S YOUR FEAR?